Namaste, &%$@#!! – When Yoga Fails…

I desperately needed yoga today. So, I went to a class expecting to feel balanced, peaceful, centered, and relaxed. After all, isn’t that how yoga is described in the brochure?  Unfortunately, yoga failed me…it didn’t do any of those things! 

The hour-long class felt like an eternity. With every “cleansing” breath I would glance at the clock and notice only a minute had passed. I wanted to launch myself off my yoga mat with every downward facing dog and warrior pose. The corpse pose, when the lights dim even lower and the melodic music is supposed to lull you into a meditative state, was the worst. I felt like death warmed over. Maybe it should be renamed.

Then, instead of “namaste” at the end of the class, I think I let a few swear words slip out under my breath. &*%^. (#@!*.

The harder I tried to clear my mind, the faster my thoughts raced. The more I tried to slow my breathing, the faster my heart beat. I tried to surrender and allow yoga to work its magic, but I couldn’t find peace, serenity, or balance no matter how hard I tried. Yoga didn’t work for me today.

Of course, maybe I can’t blame yoga. After all, it’s a practice that’s been around a lot longer than me. However, I really needed yoga today because I’m about to lose my mind.

I wrote my first book, Woman UP! Overcome the 7 Deadly Sins that Sabotage Your Success, and it’s expected to arrive on my doorstep any day now. The best comparison (as I’m sure many of you can relate) is when I was expecting my first child to arrive. There are so many similarities between a new baby and a new book – here are a few:

• They both took about a year to develop.
• They both are an emotional investment on the deepest level.
• They both are a part of and an extension of who you are.
• They both will change your life in ways you could never even imagine.
• They both will look and behave differently than you expected.
• They both have the potential to amaze, inspire, challenge, and take you places you never dreamed possible.

All of that is true and I’m ready for another completely unpredictable adventure. It’s the waiting at this final stage that’s the hard part. My son was born 5 days after his due date. They were the longest 5 days of my life. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I walked, I slept, I got a last-minute mani-pedi, and I nested like no woman has ever nested before. My mind was racing and was filled with so many thoughts, ideas, fears, and questions…I couldn’t quiet my noisy mind.

The same is true today as I impatiently wait for my book to arrive. I have the attention span of a gnat. I can’t complete a thought or an email for that matter. Twitter has too many characters to hold my attention. I feel anxious, excited, nervous, and overflowing with complete anticipation of what’s about to arrive. I don’t know what this book is going to look like or where it will take me, but if I use my son as an example, I have every reason to believe it will be the adventure of a lifetime.

I’m sorry, yoga…I don’t blame you for not working today. You did your best. You tried your hardest. I’m the one that needs to be open, willing to receive the gifts the world has to offer, and ready to surrender to whatever happens next.

We will meet again, dear yoga. Until then…Namaste, &%$@#!!