Lack of Confidence – NOT Competence – Kills Your Career

It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been coaching women on their careers, there is one issue that consistently comes up in each session, at every keynote presentation and leadership training, with each person, in each industry, and at each level…that’s confidence (or the lack thereof). And it seems like this is more epidemic than ever!

Today, more women than men graduate from American universities, women are in space, women hold top level political positions, and women are CEOs while managing the elusive work/life balance. There is no question that women are extraordinarily competent…but the truth is a lack of confidence can sabotage any career.

Newsflash! We do NOT live or work in a meritocracy. It’s not always the smartest, the most qualified, or the most certified person that gets ahead. The myth is that we’ll do an exceptional job, someone will take notice, and then we’ll be offered opportunity after opportunity and rise higher and higher because of our “competence”.

Confidence is the number one quality hiring managers and leadership teams look for, and it’s the number one quality women need in order to achieve and/or exceed their career goals. There are many reasons why women lack confidence and hold themselves back in the workplace, but there is good news. If women are competent enough to perform at increasingly high levels, then they’re powerful enough to change self-sabotaging behavior and gain the confidence they need to get ahead.

Three confidence-deflators – perfectionism, risk avoidance, and external validation – are all that stand in the way of success!

Perfectionism. Perfectionism is a blessing and a curse all wrapped up in a (perfect) little package. On the one hand, it’s admirable and ambitious to set lofty goals and higher expectations and standards for ourselves. That’s how we grow and build a successful career. On the other hand, it can be a trap that women fall into and end up feeling disappointed, inadequate, and worthless. There is no such thing as perfection, there is no such thing as perfect timing, and there is no such thing as a perfect career path. Women obsess over being perfect, and that quality can lead to destructive, self-sabotaging behavior when it comes to career success.

Risk Avoidance. Not only can the push for perfection be limiting, but so can the inability to take a risk. Women struggle to distinguish a big risk from a small risk, because any level of risk presents the potential to end in failure, and no reward seems worth the risk. The way women cope with risk-aversion is by sabotaging, declining, or ignoring opportunities that could potentially lead to a promotion or greater responsibility and exposure. The reality is that taking a risk, overcoming fears, and conquering new challenges outside of your comfort zone can put you on the fast track to even greater levels of confidence.

External Validation. Confidence is a gift we should give ourselves, and not wait for a positive performance review, an “employee of the month” award, or any other external recognition or validation. Unfortunately, women rely much more on the opinions and actions of others to dictate their level of confidence. Many women need frequent, positive feedback in order to feel confident about their abilities. Some women receive the feedback they need, but many end up waiting for that external validation and put their confidence on hold until they get it.

My clients are not the only women struggling with confidence and guilty of self-sabotaging behavior. Most of my female clients admit to stomping on the brakes instead of hitting the accelerator at some point in their careers, whether it’s applying for a new job, campaigning for a promotion, or optimizing a golden opportunity.

We don’t regret what we did nearly as much as we regret what we didn’t do, and there is nothing worse than a missed opportunity. It’s time for women to give up on perfectionism, take a risk, and acknowledge their own efforts so they can bring confidence to the workplace to match their competence.